2017 REDEMPTION

I started this year with an injury, and for a while it looked like I was going to end the year with an injury. To put things simply, just a few weeks ago my running felt a bit like a distant memory and a flash in the pan, so to come out of Lesotho Ultra Trail with nothing but good feelings at the end of it, fills me with hope and pride.

Let me rewind a bit to June. I was feeling fit, confident, light and fast – I felt like a real life athlete for the first time in my life! Then, it all unravelled rather quickly. Keeping it simple, the series of events went as followed: trained super hard. Did stupid things. Got injured. Continued running. Did 130km in the Drakensberg in 5 days. Got ‘more’ injured. Did my hardest track session to that point. Felt messed up and took two weeks off. Went to Norway, felt tired, sick, overtrained and injured. Got cutoff after walking nearly 20km in Tromso Skyrace. Ran/hiked 30km two days later – idiot move. Came home and took a week off. Tried running and it was painful… no, debilitating. Got a MRI a few weeks later – delayed due to the guilt of how expensive a MRI is. Threats of operations loomed in the doctors rooms. Luckily avoided that. Got platelet rich plasma (PRP) therapy. 6 weeks after PRP treatment, I was able to do 1 min run, 2 min walk repeats.

After Tromso I was beyond gutted, all I wanted to do was get back into training and prove to others, but more so, myself, that I could run and that I was progressing. Having that taken from me by the injuries, left me feeling empty and useless. I know, I know… so melodramatic.

But I like to think that my princess moment was short lived. After a few weeks my mind started to rewire, I looked at this injury, befriended it and learned from it.

I started an intensive rehab program with a Biokineticist – apparently my glutes and hamstrings were somewhat useless, leading to my long list of injuries. This was the first time in my two years of running that I’d done any form of strengthening training and gym work.

Aside from the physical side of things, mentally, I started to look at this whole running thing a whole lot differently. When I started running, things just went well and beyond expectations from the get go. In my first full year (2016) of running, I had a 100% podium rate, came third at South African Champs and won the South African Skyrunning series. I don’t think it was a result of my ego but a consequence of the results I obtained and a certain figure in my life that made my running extremely outcome related. All I seemed to care about was results, I lost touch with the process. I half expected to be the best at every race and when I didn’t win, I considered my result a failure. At the end of the day, race after race, I was getting fitter, faster and stronger. It didn’t feel like enough, I wasn’t the best.

How this relates to having over three months of complications? Well you kind of have a lot of time to think and put things into perspective. I’m not the best, I might never be. There’s no point in dwelling on that. I love running, I love being swallowed by the mountains around me, I love sharing this passion with likeminded people and yes, I love being competitive, running hard and leaving it all out on the trail, but when I wasn’t able to run, I didn’t miss the competition but rather, I missed running, specifically running in the mountains with likeminded and passionate people… my favorite type of people. If I want a long and fulfilling life filled with running and mountain missions, I need to hold onto the passion and remember why I love to do what I do. More importantly I need to respect the process, put in the years of training and feel a sense of pride with the small gains along the way, before I can even think to get stroppy about not being “the best”.

The ironic thing is that I just completed a combined psychology and sports psychology degree at the University of Pretoria. It’s been drummed into me for 3 years that successful athletes are process oriented and high anxiety athletes and athletes who have a tendency to burnout, generally follow an outcome orientation (focus on winning, prizes, publicity, etc). Despite the hours spent studying and agreeing with the general concept, I needed to be told that I may not be able to run for a year or longer – had they needed to operate – to grasp the concept and realize what it was that I wanted from this whole trail running thing.

Going into Lesotho Ultra Trail, I had a new head on my shoulders, I was coach free and had no external expectations from anyone in my life. Aside from that, I would like to think the work with the Biokineticist gave me a stronger bum and faster twitching fibers! I was the least trained I’ve ever been for a race but generally (aside from the nervous night before) in the best mental space I’ve been in. That trail brought out the goods. I suffered but it was fun. I ate dirt on multiple occasions but felt confident, fast and nimble. I ran with the intentions of having a good time and boy did I have the best time.

Whilst I’m suffocating you with my super nonchalant attitude, don’t let me have you fooled… I needed a good result – so much so that for a moment I was nearly angry… no I was angry, when I saw super women, Nicolette Griffieon getting a last minute entry, adding to an already stacked field. I forced myself to accept the process, the fact that I’ve been injured and aside from that don’t have the years of running in my legs to be upset with potentially being completely crushed by her. I woke up on race morning and the only need I felt was to run the hardest I could, to see where I’m at and build on that.

I crossed the finish line with too many emotions to explain, I ran with my heart (yeah, corny, I know) and surprised myself. My time was the 3rd fastest in Lesotho Ultra Trail history and I finished 9 minutes behind Nicolette`s winning time. Maybe a few months ago I would’ve been upset with the result deep down inside, but on this occasion, I feel proud, like I redeemed myself for a somewhat mediocre 2017. Yes, I do have a long road ahead of me and I might never be a great trail runner, but I’m so excited to go through the motions of the training, the ups and downs, the good as well as bad results and the hours spent in the outdoors with some cool people.

Photo’s by Xavier Briel